And there I was seating on the last table near the door, all alone.
I have always been firm with my stand that, I don't love him. I know I don't. But the other day when my friend asked me, "Are you sure, you don't love him?" I started to doubt myself. Am I really sure that I don't love him? And true enough by the end of that day I finally admitted it to myself what I have been denying for so long. Yes, I do love him. I do love him very much.
With me finally admitting to that fact comes with whole pack of another rationalization blues. I mean, seriously? How could I love the guy? I've barely spoke to him. I've barely even know him. And I believe that you can't possibly love a person when you don't know him. What makes him, laugh? What makes him cry? What makes him angry? What makes him scared? Who does he talk to when he's sad? What does he do when can't sleep? What does he like to do during his free time? Why the hell is that his nickname? (Yes, I've been wanting to ask him personally about that) Now tell me, how could I possibly love him when I don't know anything about him? Everything that I know of him is from my friends that knows him. Really, just really. But still, I have no other way to describe what I'm feeling except, I'm in love. I'm hopelessly and grievously in love once again.
We had an affair the other night. It was our grad ball. We were all dolled up and looking so pretty and handsome. It was so much fun hanging out with my friends. Getting our hair and make up done, checking in a five star hotel, it was really a worthwhile experience. We arrived late at the venue but it seems like they were much later. I haven't seen anyone from their class. As we took our seats, their group suddenly made an entrance. I have saw, in his arms was a friend of mine. My friend looked beautiful but I can't take my eyes of him. He was dashing.
The night went routinely. It was not what I expected. It was not really a ball but a mere dinner, with some parlor games and a band playing. I have to admit I was greatly, disappointed. Throughout the whole evening, I can't take my eyes off him. If he manage to be out of my sight, my eyes were always searching for him. I've felt many emotions during that night but the one thing that stood out from the rest was, I do really love him very much and I was deeply hurt.
You one of the main reasons for the event? It was for our batch to bond together not only with our classmates but also with the other people from the other classes. It was nice to think of that people who you don't normally smile to when you see them in the hallways of our school would smile brightly that night. At least even before we graduate, we manage to smile to each other. I suddenly remembered what my other professor told me, "What do you really want from him?" Before I had my answer that I want to be friends with him. But knowing that it is impossible now, that "It's already too late." I gave up the idea already. But it was at that moment, when we were walking at opposite directions and we passed by each other without so much of a look at each other's direction made me realized that I would never be a part of his world. Never was and never will be. I realized I wanted so much as an acknowledgement maybe a smile whenever we crossed each other's path but I know that even for that, it's too late now.
The night went routinely. It was not what I expected. It was not really a ball but a mere dinner, with some parlor games and a band playing. I have to admit I was greatly, disappointed. Throughout the whole evening, I can't take my eyes off him. If he manage to be out of my sight, my eyes were always searching for him. I've felt many emotions during that night but the one thing that stood out from the rest was, I do really love him very much and I was deeply hurt.
You one of the main reasons for the event? It was for our batch to bond together not only with our classmates but also with the other people from the other classes. It was nice to think of that people who you don't normally smile to when you see them in the hallways of our school would smile brightly that night. At least even before we graduate, we manage to smile to each other. I suddenly remembered what my other professor told me, "What do you really want from him?" Before I had my answer that I want to be friends with him. But knowing that it is impossible now, that "It's already too late." I gave up the idea already. But it was at that moment, when we were walking at opposite directions and we passed by each other without so much of a look at each other's direction made me realized that I would never be a part of his world. Never was and never will be. I realized I wanted so much as an acknowledgement maybe a smile whenever we crossed each other's path but I know that even for that, it's too late now.
