Giving My Heart A Break

Giving my heart a break coz I don't want to break my heart.

Literally this time because I won't be able to see him to-morrow.
Everything happened so suddenly.
We went from not talking or not acknowledging the presence of 
one another for 10 months to having casual talks already.

I was really looking forward to our retreat.
I had a lot of thoughts about it.
Things that I would want to accomplish.
Plans that I would want execute.
Decisions that I have to make.
Goodbyes that I intended to make.
I said everything that I wanted to my friends.
All the thank you's, I'm sorry's and I hope to be part of you life even after this speeches.
It was really nice.
I was able to fulfill this all, except for one thing...
What I wanted to say to him or even if I had anything I want to say.

Actually, it's not a matter of not having anything to say,
it was having the courage to say something to him.

Nevertheless, I was really happy.
I didn't spoke a single word to him during that 2 nights- 3 days retreat but..,
seeing him for such a long period of time made me really happy.
Really beyond words...

He, together with his friends, riding the same bus as our class was a surprise.
I mean, I know he doesn't want to be pestered with our whole awkward issue.
I mean, he even stopped bringing the equipment to our class just so my classmates won't say anything.
But I guess, he was just doing his job.
After all, he's the president of the class...

If there is something I was really accustomed to already,
it was his back profile...
It was the thing that I see often.
I guess I just can't look him in the face so this is the best I can get...

Our first afternoon in the place was very memorable.
The place was splendid.
Really refreshing. Exactly what we need.
A break from everything else.
I was hoping for a break too but knowing the fact that he's in the same place as me,
I guess I kissed that thought goodbye a long time ago.

But it was not what made my first afternoon there very memorable.
It was an unexpected gesture...
I was talking to a friend near the balcony but she ignored me and I heard her talking to someone.
Curious as to who was she talking to, I peeked over the balcony.
I wish I could say that I regretted it, but I don't.
It's probably one of the best decisions I ever made.
The moment I looked down, I saw him.
Our eyes met.
And I'm not sure but, I think my heart skipped a beat.
However, since I can't look at him for a long time,
especially when I'm looking at his eyes...
I quickly turned away.

I should have noticed it by then.
Somehow his eyes felt different.
It felt different when he looked at me. 
It actually felt like he was looking at me...
Not right through me.

But since I was so caught up with my ways,
I just ignored it.
Do you know one of my favorite parts of the retreat?
It was having the opportunity to steel glances of him.
It may sound creepy but...
Really this the best thing that I could possibly bargain.
At times, I think he caught me but,
I can't really do anything about that.
And that didn't stop me either.